I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
foreskin is a definite game changer
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
