i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
