Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
