i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize