dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Randomize
