I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
