i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
