She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
