you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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