Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
