I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
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Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
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What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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