Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
