Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
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Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
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So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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