Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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