Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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