Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
