I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Sober January is a disaster.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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