What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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