I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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