I got chris browned last night
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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