I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
