I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
