i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
