Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
