i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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