If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
