I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
her vagine was all disorganized.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
