i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
did you just send me my own nude
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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