ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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