I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
