I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
