How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
