seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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