WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
