and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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