That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
