there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
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I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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