Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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