im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
are you so shy because you have an std?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
