i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
