I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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