no, he came in my armpit
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
