ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
