Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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