I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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