I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
