you have to choose: penises or morals?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
