I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
