There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
