i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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