I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
