The maid of honor just puked.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
