I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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