you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
