please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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