He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
