i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
