Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
