Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
