is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
