whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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