He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
