I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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